Wednesday, October 1, 2014

How to ask a girl out (and take her out too)

Due to some recent (and not so recent) experiences had by some friends of mine, it has come to my attention that young men do not know how to ask young ladies out on dates. Since dating and courtship are necessary aspects to maintain our healthy society I have felt it might patriotic duty and social obligation to do something about this. And so of course I have turned to the blogosphere to get my message out.

image found here

How to ask a girl out

Now asking a girl out is not actually a physically difficult task, and I assumed it was a somewhat natural part of life until I realized recently that it must now need to be taught. Asking girls out has always been emotionally taxing though and I won't deny that. But it is worth it.

Step 1: Decide what you will do

Here is the first major difference between dating and "hanging out" in my mind. You begin with a plan, long before you ever actually talk to the girl in question.

Never go up to a girl, ask her out and then ask her what she would like to do (while this may be appropriate at times when you are in relationship with a girl, you will always when major points for having a plan first. That is something we married men need to remember).

Deciding what to do should not be difficult, choose something that is fun and not to expensive. Good dates always include a chance to talk to each other which is why most dates should be made up of two elements: an activity and a treat.

ProTip: If you are going to a ticketed event you can greatly increase the likelihood you will actually ask a girl out by purchasing the tickets before you start asking girls.

Step 2: Choose a girl

Now you may have done this first, but if you have not now is the time. Remember you can take out a variety of girls on first dates, you are not committing to anything except to provide them with a safe and enjoyable evening.

How do you find a girl? They are all around you!

A few good places include: Church, School, Work, Clubs, Service Organizations, Food Courts, etc.

A few bad places include: Bars, Internet Dating Sites, Tinder, etc (sure there are relationships that have worked out from these, but dating is a game numbers and percentages and you should play the odds).

Ok you have chosen a girl, now choose another, and probably one more for good measure. Why have a back up? It makes rejection less stinging because you know what to do next.

Step 3: Ask her out!

There are only two acceptable ways to ask a girl out:

  1. Talk with her face to face
  2. Call her on the phone
The only exception to this rule is if you have some very extra creative way asking her out, like with a treasure hunt or a poem, for a special event like homecoming or the prom.

Never ask a girl out by:
  • Text message
  • Facebook
  • Snapchat
  • WhatsApp
  • etc
Sorry I have to be the one to tell you this, I wish it had been your dad, maybe it was but you didn't listen to him. It's time for you to step up and be a man and actually talk to a girl to ask her out. 

Now this means you either have to see her in person or you have to have gotten her phone number. There are lots of ways of getting a girl's phone number. Obviously if you were thinking of asking her out over text message than you already have it. If you don't have it than you could use Facebook or some other way of asking her for it, but not to actually ask her out. 

When you ask her out be really clear, don't leave her confused about what is going on. Tell her what you will be doing, what time you will be doing it, and what time you will pick her up. 

How to take a girl out

Step 1: Pick her up

I don't care if you have a car or not, you pick the girl up. Unless she has offered to drive and you have made arrangements for her to come to your place first, otherwise you go over to her place and pick her up. 

Why? Don't you want her to like you? Don't you want her roommates or family to like you? A great way to start things off on the wrong foot is too not pick a girl up. That's like a huge red flag that says "Hey, I am not competent!"

Step 2: Open every door

You listen well, I don't care if it is old fashioned, you open every door for her. Car doors, outside doors, inside doors, gates, etc. You open all of them. The only exception is bathroom doors, she can open those herself.

Step 3: Never leave her guessing

You make sure she understands what is going on. Never walk away from her or a head of her. Never make her wonder who is paying if money is involved.

ProTip: YOU are paying, for everything. If she asked you out then she would pay, and that is fine, but in this scenario you asked her out, and you are going to do the paying (if money is involved, which it does not have to be).

Step 4: Ensure she is having a good time

If she isn't, or she feels uncomfortable, or she fills ill, you make it right however you can. Your job on this date is to make sure she enjoys herself.

Step 5: Take her home

Now you listen to me good here, you always, 100% of the time, without exception, offer to take a girl home after date. If it is a day date and she has something else going on after it she may not need you to take her home, BUT she will be the one to tell you that, you will never make that assumption. If it is an evening date she does not have anything else going on and you will take her home.

This should not be a hard concept but I am afraid for many today it seems to be. You take her home, you took her on a date and you are responsible for her safety. You walk her up to the door and you tell her good night there. I don't care if it's awkward, you do it anyway.

And that is it, that is how to ask a girl out, and then how to take her out. I think you can do that without to much trouble. For a little more reading on this subject you can take a look at this talk by Dallin Oaks. 

If you have enjoyed this post, please check out my regular blog here, or follow me on twitter, @halduauthor. And please share this post using the social buttons below if you know anyone who can benefit from it.